Shaq in the check-out line at Sprouts will turn heads. Guaranteed. So will a rampaging Texas Longhorn in a Pottery Barn. 

But nothing will rotate noggins like an XXL-sized Nissan Armada NISMO SUV rolling through Tampa’s Old Hyde Park Village on a sunny Saturday afternoon. 

Jaws drop, fingers point, kids go wide-eyed, and it seems the army of shoppers exhale a collective “wow”. 

Here’s the Tonka Toy of SUVs that’s so over-the-top, so visually crazy, it could have come out of the workshops of Overhaulin’, Bitchin’ Rides or Monster Garage. 

Based on Nissan’s flagship Armada three-row 4×4, this is the latest creation from the auto maker’s NISMO – short for Nissan Motorsport – tuning division. 

Just look at the thing. That bluff, towering front end could have been modeled after a Peterbilt’s. The fire-truck-red stripe all around the base looks like a ring of disco neon. Those bulging fenders and towering 22-inch rims wouldn’t look out of place on  Ricky Bobby’s NASCAR racer.

No, this 2026 Armada NISMO won’t be for everyone, especially with its $81,720 sticker price. But if your budget doesn’t stretch to a $155,000 Mercedes G 550 or Cadillac’s $168,000 Escalade-V, then it’s a terrific, well-priced alternative. 

And it’s a whole, big bundle of driving fun with plenty of substance to balance out all that in-your-face style. 

Under that Texas-sized hood, the standard Armada’s twin-turbo 3.5-liter V6 gets an extra 35 horseys to take the tally up to a stampeding 460 hp along with a stump-pulling 516 lb-ft of torque. 

Hook a UHaul to the tow hitch, or maybe your weekend Nissan Z NISMO racecar, and it won’t break a sweat hauling up to 8,500 pounds.  

And when red light turns to green, the big Nissan can scoot off the line and rush to 60 mph in an impressive six seconds. 

The NISMO tuning wizards also gave the nine-speed automatic quicker reaction times, tuned the electric power steering for quicker responses, while stiffening the adaptive air suspension for less body roll and a (slightly) sportier feel. 

While those NISMO-exclusive 22-inch rims may look pretty, they’re made of lightweight forged alloy and are wrapped in sticky Bridgestone Alenza Sport all-season tires. 

No, simple physics mean this 6,100-pound honker isn’t going to instantly morph into a Z NISMO two-seater through the curves. But if you accept the limitations, it’s a suprisingly fun-to-drive porker that feels confident, planted and surprisingly playful. 

Thankfully, NISMO hasn’t firmed-up the air suspension enough to ruin the ride quality. Even over lumps, bumps and deepish potholes, the Armada never jiggles or jolts, and always feels composed. 

Talking of playful, NISMO added a modified exhaust system with a soundtrack modeled after the Z sportscar’s that’s piped through the Armada’s 600-watt, 12-speaker Klipsch sound system. Fake, I know, but still fun. 

The playfulness continues when you climb-up into the NISMO-tweaked cabin. If you love red, then this is the place for you, with searing red suede inserts for all three rows of seats, rings of red piping around the dash, and even racy-red seat belts. 

There’s also a NISMO exclusive steering wheel with its salami-thick rim, contoured hand grips, red stitching and a subtle red marker at the 12 o’clock position, just like they have on race cars. 

Those big, armchair-like front seats have also been NISMO’d with extra side bolstering to keep you in place on curves. In front of you, the 14.3-inch instrument display and 14.3-inch center touchscreen get a few NISMO-specific graphics. In red, naturally.

And throughout the cabin, Nissan won’t let you forget what you’re driving with the multitude of NISMO badges, on the dash, wheel, seat headrests and floormats. Overkill? You bet.

As with the standard Armada, the cabin is huge, with those three rows of seats to carry up to seven in real stretch-out comfort. The second-row captain’s chairs are La-Z-Boy relaxing. 

It’s funny, I initially wanted to hate this gaudy, brutish, over-the-top XXL-sized SUV. But after a week of driving, I was truly sad to see it go.   

Somehow it manages to feel fun and playful, rather than bold and aggressive, with just enough added substance to justify the NISMO badging. 

Maybe I just liked all the attention.