I did a double-take at the menu. “Tater Tots? … Whut? The same Tater Tots that mom used to pour out of a bag onto a sheet pan and serve as a side for dinner?”
Yes, the very same. I had read the menu correctly. But when was that? Maybe 10 years ago, maybe longer.
Curious, I consulted the AI machine, which told me that Tater Tots, the frozen food invented in 1953, made an “ironic comeback” in the 2000s. Tots, as they are now commonly known, have become a pub-food staple. You can get ’em as a side in lieu of fries, but I was interested in a more subsantial iteration — loaded tots, the kind that could make a meal. To the best of my recollection, I’d only ordered them as a side dish, as a break from fries.
Our two contestants are Salty J’s and The Bier Boutique, both in St. Pete. As its names suggest, The Bier Boutique is more upscale than Salty J’s. But I’d heard from more than one source that Salty J’s serves good pub grub — and loaded tots is certainly that.
SALTY J’S
It was 50 degrees at 5:50 on Tuesday, and Salty J’s had its garage-style window open, with a few people sitting outside. Indoors, every stool on the long bar was occupied.
The pub, located in a strip center on 4th Street North in St. Pete, goes for a beach-bar vibe, with a modicum of success. Bonnie was sidelined with an illness, go I grabbed a seat at the end of a long table made of wood planks and painted a shabby green.
One of the two women bartenders popped over with a menu. I didn’t need one: J’s Loaded Tots ($8.97) and a ginger ale ($2.99).
Appearance
On top of the substantial pile of tots lay a small layer of ground meat, some small cubes of tomato and an ample dose of white cheese sauce. The simple presentation looked fine, but I couldn’t help but thinking that loaded tots as a meal might not be the best idea.
Taste and Texture
The Tater Tots were appropriately crispy on the outside, soft in the middle. I tasted a hint of bacon but the predominant meat was ground beef. A queso cheese sauce, thick and rich, was too dominant. The tomato added a welcome dimension; the dish could’ve used a lot more to brighten up the flavor.
After a brief, friendly discussion with the bartender Jen, she offered to bring me some extra ground beef, which I accepted. After a bit of experimentation, I found a groove by digging out unsauced tots, pairing them on the fork with the ground beef from a small bowl, and dipping them in ketchup. I made it about two-thirds of the way through. Filling stuff.
THE BIER BOUTIQUE
Wednesday, another nippy night. Finding a parking spot on the narrow brick streets of the Historic Uptown neighborhood took some doing, and in the process I discovered that I’d completely lost my ability to parallel park.
With Bonnie still ill, my close friend and FFF consultant, David Downing, joined me at 6:30. It was trivia night, so we sat on the front porch, which was closed in with heavy plastic. We still needed our coats.
Knowing Loaded Tots ($10) as a meal would not suffice, we also ordered a specialty O’Banion sandwich ($18) and a bowl of tomato bisque soup ($5 upcharge). I got a BrewDog Spring Bock draft ($8.50).
Appearance
It took one glance to know that The Bier Boutique’s food service is more elevated than Salty J’s. The chopped green onions on top were an enticing touch.
Taste and Texture
I immediately tasted real potato, firm not mushy. That’s because the restaurant rolls its own tots from its own hash browns. That’s next-level tottery, friends. This information was new to me, so I consulted the menu on Thursday and, sure enough, there it was: “house made tots.”
The generous layer of finely chopped bacon supported my ongoing contention that everything goes better with bacon. The chives provided a crunchy bonus. A subtle sriracha cream sauce offered a welcome hint of spicy heat.
Speaking of heat, David and I fiddled around too long with taking pics and, because the space was chilly, our dish of tots lost its warmth, and the cheese had congealed. But that’s totally our bad.
The soup was heavenly and the O’Banion (pork belly, Brussels-sprouts-and-carrot slaw and Swiss cheese on rye) was tasty and creative. We gladly consumed everything put in front of us.
And the Winner of the Tale of Two Tots (Fully Loaded) Is …
The Bier Boutique.
I readily admit that I did not set this up as a fair fight. The two establishments are on different cuisine levels, and I should’ve done a better job of pairing competitors.
A Dining Tip: If you go for loaded tots, order them as a shareable, not as a meal.
