Remember the three-martini lunch? Neither do I. At least not in practice. The mere idea of slurping a trio of potent liquor drinks in the early afternoon seems the height of Don Draper-esque madness.

For our three-martini Spotlight at Mandarin Hide in downtown St. Pete, we gathered at a more sensible time — 6:30 p.m. Sydney, the youngest member of the Registry Tampa Bay team, strongly suggested Mandarin Hide, mostly because the place makes “the best espresso martini.” Okay, sold.

And she showed up! Two other martini testers were in attendance: Tom duPont, publisher of RTB, and David Downing, a regular FFF consultant and expert libation photographer (all photos are his). Both have considerable expertise regarding the iconic drink. Me, not so much. I’ve had maybe a half-dozen martinis in my life.

The four of us grabbed stools at the corner of the bar nearest the door. We ordered three martinis — all with vodka instead of gin, which David met with mild disdain. They were: 1) dry, 2) dirty and 3) the aforementioned espresso. I portioned out small samples in plastic cups to the team members, and drank from the glasses myself, including the all-important first sip. I’ll pick a winner — or more accurately my favorite — and reveal it at the end.

DRY MARTINI

We got into a spirited discussion about this drink before it was served. Tom said the dry martini is made with (in this case) vodka and three olives stuffed with bleu cheese. “If it’s just vodka, why don’t they just call it vodka?” I pleaded. “Why call it a martini?”

Our good-natured bartender, Ben, two weeks on the job, made an attempt to intervene, saying he could make it any way we wanted it. Another bartender came over and said that the Mandarin Hide dry martini is prepared by rinsing the rim of the glass with dry vermouth. Settled. Tom asked Ben to use Ketel One vodka.

As I lifted the glass to my lips, I was prepared for the bite of clear liquor but was surprised to find it smooth and refreshing — in a 80-proof way. The martini was cold, for starters. I didn’t actually taste any vermouth, but somehow it made its presence felt.

My first thought was, “I don’t want to share. I don’t want these people to have any of this martini.” But I dutifully doled out a thimble’s worth to each, spilling some on my pants, and leaving me with a couple thimble’s worth.

The three men each took an olive. I took a bite of mine — appreciating the tang it emitted with the sharp cheese — and dropped the rest on the floor. I swear I was only mildly buzzed. I’d only had one Bud Light as a palette-cleanser.

I was unaware of the custom that mandates bartenders must use one or three olives when making a martini. An even number is bad luck. I did some searching and could find no definitive reason for this superstition, but the number of olives didn’t matter much to me. All I know is that I enjoyed my dry martini far more than expected.

DIRTY MARTINI

One olive accompanied our dirty entry. I don’t remember who got to eat it. I do remember that it wasn’t stuffed with bleu cheese.

I knew going in that a dirty martini included olive juice (or brine). I like green olives, but I didn’t expect the olive flavor to be so powerful. If part of the raison d’être is to mask the taste of the liquor, it does a good job. The olive imbued in the martini an intense saltiness.

“It’s amazing how two drinks can be part of the same family and look so much alike, but taste so different,” David said. That about sums it up.

ESPRESSO MARTINI

Sydney informed me that the espresso martini is a favorite among the young bar crowd, especially late at night, because of its blend of booze and caffeine.

This tidbit clearly had no bearing on my life, but I was pleased to find out that at least some of the kids had moved on from vodka and Red Bull, a most vile concoction.

We were clearly in different martini territory here — different color, different ingredients, different glass. And froth, lots of froth. Way different flavor, obviously.

Mandarin Hide uses 360 vodka and Borghetti Caffe Espresso in its version, and tops the foam with coffee beans from Kahwa (a local brand) — three of them, representing, per Tom, “health, wealth and happiness.” I was down with that.

I carefully sipped, hoping to spare myself the indignity of a froth-covered mustache. The drink combined sweetness with a bold coffee flavor. The vodka was just about undetectable, which — I’m guessing — is part of the point when young folks are trying to push on into the wee hours.

And the Winner of the Three-Martini Mashup at Mandarin Hide Is …

The dry martini.

This was an easy choice, and I see another dry martini in my future. The others, probably not. Just to be clear, my “winner” makes no comment on how well Mandarin Hide made the other two. My assumption is they’re first-rate. The dry version was the preference of a martini dilettante. Someday I’ll say to a bartender, in my best suave voice, “Vodka martini, dry, three olives.”

I do not like gin. Sue me.

A final note: I had a terrific time, and I think the others did too.