Come the Apocalypse when the heavens open, floods cover the planet, and the lands are full of fire and brimstone, you’ll be happy you bought a Nissan Armada Pro-4X.
Here is Nissan’s new XXL-sized, go-anywhere, climb-any-mountain, wade-through-the-Everglades, professional-grade, off-roading 4×4.
This thing should come with its own personal Bear Grylls to sit in the passenger seat and guide you across the Continental Divide. The kids would love that.
And it has all the toys to tackle the rough stuff. Standard four-wheel drive, obviously. An electronically-locking rear differential, and two-speed transfer case for when the going gets really icky.
Height adjustable air suspension too, for up to 9.6 inches of ground clearance. And triple skid plates underneath to protect the fuel tank, oil pan and engine.
Just look at the thing; it’s a Navy SEAL on wheels. Talking of which, the behemoth rolls on blacked-out 20-inch rims shod with nobbly, super-grippy Yokohama Geolander all-terrain tires.
And don’t you just love that tough-as-nails, black fender cladding, and the unique, glossy-black grille that could shred small logs. Plus those low-hanging, bright-orange recovery hooks under the front fascia that could have come off a Peterbilt.
Of course you don’t need the Apocalypse to make the most of this new Armada Pro-4X. It would be equally at home towing jet-skis to the boat ramp – it’ll pull up to 8,500 pounds. Or, with the second and third row seats folded, load kayaks, or SUPs through the tailgate.
Inside, Nissan skipped the hose-it-out, utilitarian look of a typical, rugged off-roader. Here there’s a sea of fancy leather with cool, orangey-red stitching and quilted padding that was surely inspired by Zac Efron’s six-pack abs.
Seating comprises three rows with room for eight, with the option for second-row captain’s chairs. While the first and second rows have stretch-out space, that third row is a little tight for grown-ups.
Techie stuff includes a pair of 14.3-inch displays – one for the digital gauge cluster, the other for the touchscreen infotainment system, both set under the same single piece of glass.
But hallelujah, the dash is covered with real, honest-to-goodness knobs, buttons and switches. Adjusting the temp or fan speed is, as it should be, a simple twist of a knob.
While the previous-generation Armada came with a beloved 5.6-liter V8 churning out 400 horseys and 413 torques, all Armadas now feature a twin-turbo 3.5-liter V6 with 425 hp and more-muscley 516 lb-ft.
You might think that six cylinders would be a couple of cylinders short of a picnic to move a 6,085-pound incredible hulk of an Armada.
Not so. Mated to a quick-shifting nine-speed automatic transmission, the Pro-4X can zap from standstill to 60 mph in just under six seconds, and has more than enough muscle to pass slower traffic, or fire out of a freeway on-ramp.
Less impressive is its thirst for gas, which is to be expected with all this mass to move. Think 15 mpg around town, 18 on the highway, and 16 combined. Thankfully there’s a 23.6-gallon tank which should give a decent 380-mile range. In my week with the Pro-4X, I averaged 17 to the gallon.
While I didn’t get to go play in the mud, a brief foray on to the sand at the Gandy Bridge beach hinted at its terrific off-roading ability.
On the road, the truck frame does result in the odd jiggle and jolt as one of those knobbly tires hits a rut or pothole. But in general, the air suspension does a fine job of smoothing out the ride.
Yes, as you might expect of a honker that towers just over 80 inches tall, there is plenty of body lean through tight curves. But the steering is precise and nicely-weighted, and braking power impressive.
You’ll pay a competitive $76,490 for a new Armada Pro-4X – or $81,675 very nicely loaded like our test vehicle.
As for escaping the Apocalypse, or making you the coolest dude in the Trader Joe’s parking lot, the Pro-4X is in a class of its own.
