A bitter-sweet moment this. News on the Jungle Telegraph is that Alfa Romeo has ended production of its magical, 505-horsepower Stelvio Quadrifoglio rocketship.
Hell hath officially frozen over.
I know, I know. Alfa, like most automakers, has to focus its attentions on an electrified future, ditching gasoline-power for ohms, and volts and kilowatt hours.
Thankfully the regular Stelvio SUV, juiced by a feisty 280-hp turbo 2.0-liter four-cylinder, carries on for the time being, offering Italian flair and brio, with pricing from just $44,000.
But it’s not a Quadrifoglio. Nothing is. With its Ferrari-developed twin-turbo 2.9-liter V6, here is the closest thing to a sportscar that just happens to be an SUV.
Which is kind of what it is. Underneath that sleek, sexy body, littered with those traditional Alfa ‘quadrifoglio’ four-leaf clover emblems, is the chassis and mechanical bits of Alfa’s highly-strung Giulia sports sedan.
See this latest Stelvio in the metal, and it is still truly a thing of automotive beauty, despite the design dating back to 2016. That famous shield-like grille, those slender, swept-back headlights, and all the curves of Sixties Italian screen siren, Gina Lollobrigida. Magnifico.
Those wild, gloss-black 21-inch rotary-dial rims at each corner, with their distinctive circle design, only add to the head-spinning look of this fast and furious Alfa.
And fast it is. Pedal to the metal and it will catapult off the line like it’s been fired out of a Barnum & Bailey circus canon.
Click the stopwatch and you’ll see zero to 60 mph sprinting in a neck-adjusting 3.6 seconds. And if you want to give up your driver’s license, you could continue accelerating until you hit the Alfa’s 177 mph top speed.
Of course the right thing to do to mark the Alfa’s demise would be to let this hyper-quick trucklette quietly exit stage-left and accelerate away into that automotive sunset.
But when the good folks at Alfa North America offered one of the last-of-the-last Stelvio Quadrifoglios for a goodby/farewell/adios drive, it was impossible to decline. Indulgent? Yes. A mark of respect? Of course.
So here it is, painted in this bellissimo shade of Rosso Etna red, aptly named after the constantly-spewing Sicilian volcano. Base price of our test car; $88,965. Or $94,910 very nicely loaded.
To mark the Stelvio QF’s impending departure, Alfa did give the sport-ute a couple of nips and tucks. The most visual was a set of “Trilobe” three-piece LED matrix headlights that gives the SUV an even angrier, evil-eye, demonic look.
Inside, the instrument panel was re-fettled with the addition of a new 12.3-inch digital display in front of the driver.
Thankfully what wasn’t changed were the gorgeous hooded instrument covers, just like those in Dustin Hoffman’s 1967 Alfa Spider Duetto in The Graduate. Those and the gorgeous flat-bottomed steering wheel with its big-red start button on the left side.
One press ignites that big turbo V6 which snaps and snarls like a Rottweiler with a migraine. Pull the stubby, stitched-leather shift lever down into “drive’, squeeze the aluminum throttle pedal, and feel the power.
Ahhhhh, I remember that joy. Acceleration off the line, especially in Dynamic or Race mode, aided by standard all-wheel drive, is brutal and gut-punching, and accompanied by a Ferrari-esque howl.
Where it arguably impresses the most, is with its astonishingly good steering, that’s perfectly weighted, laser-precise and almost telepathic in its responses.
It works in true harmony with the Alfa’s adaptive damping that lets you select the firmness of the ride, yet offers near zero-roll cornering with the kind of grip normally reserved for Gorilla glue.
This thing is still so, so much fun to drive.
Yes, there are shortcomings. The ride is firm enough to loosen dentalwork and jiggle internal organs. And there’s always a cacophony of road noise and wind roar.
But I’ll still forgive this Italian stallion pretty much anything for the driving enjoyment it offers.
It is, however no more. According to Cars.com, just 122-or-so 2024 Quadrifoglios are left in dealers across the country. Local store Alfa Romeo St. Petersburg shows just four in stock.
Looking to add some excitement to your New Year? Maybe grab one while you can.
